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2 Timothy 1:15-18, You are aware of the fact that all who are in Asia turned away from me, among whom are Phygelus and Hermogenes. 16 The Lord grant mercy to the house of Onesiphorus, for he often refreshed me and was not ashamed of my chains; 17 but when he was in Rome, he eagerly searched for me and found me– 18 the Lord grant to him to find mercy from the Lord on that day–and you know very well what services he rendered at Ephesus.
The most precious treasure apart from Christ and His truth and His salvation in this world is a good, faithful, loyal friend. God said in Genesis 2:18, “It is not good for the man to be alone.” Every husband and wife should be best friends. But beyond marriage, men have male friends they can count on, and women have female friends they can confide in and talk things over. A loyal friend is one of the greatest blessings on earth.
Sometimes we are all alone and God is our sufficiency. But often God provides us with a friend, someone who is concerned about you, who doesn’t have a selfish agenda or is quick to catch you in an unguarded comment. When you think back on your Christian life, can you think of a loyal, faithful friend who is still a friend today, someone with whom you can share burdens or questions or just about anything? On my first day in seminary God led me to Kevin Kottke. We were both brand new students and had three years ahead of us. Kevin is still a faithful friend today. Later in my first pastorate, I was feeling a bit lonely in a rural setting with few people who enjoyed theological reading and study. Then God brought a young man named Jeff Millay, a recent IU graduate who had recently been saved. Jeff came hungry for God’s Word and our conversations brought refreshment to my heart.
We could probably all name one or two especially faithful friends over the years. David would have named Jonathan, both faithful and loyal to each other. Of course, Jesus is the best friend of all, “Jesus what a friend of sinners, Jesus, lover of my soul.” Paul knew Jesus was the sinner’s greatest friend, but he also deeply appreciated men like Timothy and here, Onesiphorus – a faithful friend.
There is great truth for us here in 2 Timothy 1:15-18 not only about the value of a loyal friend, but also about the grief brought on by men who desert and turn away when the going gets tough. Spurgeon said, “Just in proportion as a good friend is sweet, a false friend is full of bitterness.” Paul wants Timothy to be aware of both loyal friends who stick with you like a brother in the spiritual battle, and the tragedy of those who turn on you when you most need them. We’ll look at this fascinating section in several parts:
THE BLESSING OF FAITHFUL FRIENDS
God brings us into circumstances in which friendships are deeply cherished. Paul always had a circle of friends around him. However, when he was incarcerated for the gospel of Christ, he deeply cherished those friends that remained true to him. He did not have a wife to come to him day after day to minister to him, like Adoniram Judson had. Adoniram and his wife, Ann, went to Burma in 1812. When he was thrown into a miserable death prison in 1824 for 19 months, his best human friend was his wife. Ann risked her own life visiting him every day, bringing him food, smuggling him a New Testament, and keeping up his courage. Without her loving support he may not have survived. As Proverbs 18:22 says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.” How good God is to give us loving, faithful spouses.
But Paul had no wife as far as we can tell. He certainly had the Lord, but he was human and desired a trustworthy person to be by his side. Even Jesus as a man cherished friendship in his time of distress. Luke 22:28, “And you are those who have stood by Me in My trials.” The fact is, every man, including Jesus Christ Himself, desires the support and encouragement of good friends.
Paul has been urging Timothy to be bold and unashamed of the gospel and of Paul himself, who was suffering as a prisoner, probably chained to a Roman soldier. Now Paul brings forward two examples of deserters, and then gives Timothy the example of a godly, faithful friend, Onesiphorus. All this is for Timothy’s encouragement to be strong, to stand firm in the face of lies or suffering himself. Guard the truth, Timothy, and don’t be ashamed of the gospel or of Paul.
THE GRIEF OF DISLOYAL FRIENDS
2 Timothy 1:15, You are aware of the fact that all who are in Asia turned away from me, among whom are Phygelus and Hermogenes.
One of life’s most grievous trials is when friends desert and turn away from you. We can handle a lot of stress and trouble, until those we trusted the most turn away or even plot against us. When Spurgeon fought for the truth of God’s Word toward the end of his life in the Baptist Union during the Downgrade Controversy in England, most of his fellow preachers opposed him, even his own students and his brother, James Spurgeon. This was a perpetual grief for Spurgeon until his death a few years later in 1892.
You may not be aware of what is called “Black Tuesday” in John MacArthur’s ministry. It was 1979, John was ten years into his ministry, and Grace Community Church was growing by leaps and bounds. One day MacArthur was going to a meeting and greeted a group of staff guys who were having their own meeting. He cheerily said, “I’m so happy to have you guys as my friends.” They responded, “If you think we’re your friends, you’ve got another thing coming.” MacArthur was completely blindsided. Jealousy and envy caused gossiping to become these staff guys’ pastime activity. Pastor MacArthur faced his darkest days in ministry. Betrayal is tough to deal with, but John endured through it. The good news is that those men eventually asked forgiveness.
Here Paul mentions two men in his life who should have stood with him – Phygelus and Hermogenes. They may have been among those elders Paul ministered to in Ephesus. They were men who could have come to Paul’s defense there in Rome. Maybe they were ashamed of being associated with a shackled prisoner, or maybe they were afraid of what might happen to them next. Whatever the reason, they defected. Their turning away pained and grieved Paul, but he didn’t let this destroy him. But notice how these two men are remembered in the pages of Scripture – turn aways, deserters. John Gill, an English theologian in the 1770s, says, “They were ashamed of him, because of his chain, and despised him under his affliction, and had him in abhorrence and contempt, and revolted from his doctrine.”
Paul named them, so there was no question in Timothy’s mind who these deserters were. Timothy knew them. Plus, Paul says “all who are in Asia turned away from me.” These were probably men in whom Paul had invested time, energy, spiritual training, and unselfish love, only to have them desert him in his hour of need. We can think of other traitors that stain the pages of history: Brutus who assassinated Julius Caesar, those radicals in Luther’s day who turned on him, Benedict Arnold who betrayed America and spied for the British, and of course Judas, betrayer of Jesus. We can certainly learn from Phygelus and Hermogenes how their turning away affected Paul. John MacArthur counsels that when betrayal happens, “Don’t take it personally and let it control you. It doesn’t matter what people say about you. What matters is just being faithful. Cultivate loyalty by serving the people around you.” That is so good. Nothing else is known about Phygelus and Hermogenes except this shameful item. But God was aware of Paul’s situation…just as He is of yours. Then God brought a bright light and a breath of fresh air into Paul’s dark dungeon.
A FAITHFUL FRIEND
2 Timothy 1:16-18, The Lord grant mercy to the house of Onesiphorus, for he often refreshed me and was not ashamed of my chains; 17 but when he was in Rome, he eagerly searched for me and found me– 18 the Lord grant to him to find mercy from the Lord on that day–and you know very well what services he rendered at Ephesus.
Remember, the most precious treasure apart from Christ and His truth in this world are godly friends. Onesiphorus was such a friend to Paul. What a blessing. His name means “help bringer” or “profit bringer.” And he clearly brought help and spiritual profit to Paul in his time of distress. He may have been a wealthy, traveling businessman. Paul may have led him to Christ and Onesiphorus may have provided hospitality for Paul when he was there in Ephesus. We don’t know these details. Paul was unable to recompense him, but he knew that God rewards those who show mercy. Hebrews 6:10, “For God is not unjust so as to forget your work and the love which you have shown toward His name, in having ministered and in still ministering to the saints.”
Notice what this faithful friend did for Paul.
First, he sought Paul out. Apparently, it wasn’t all that easy to find a prisoner in this big city of Rome and this good man took the time to diligently search for him. Phillips translation says, “He went to a great deal of trouble to find me.” Onesiphorus didn’t give up until he found Paul.
Second, he didn’t just show up once, but came often and ministered to Paul. Some people like to make a big show of doing some random act of kindness once, but a loyal friend doesn’t do things for show or just to make points with God. Onesiphorus cared about Paul.
Third, he wasn’t ashamed of Paul’s chains. Doubtless, to associate with Paul at this time put one’s life in jeopardy. But as Paul has been charging Timothy, here was a man unashamed of Christ and Paul’s chains.
Fourth, he brought refreshment to Paul. This is a wonderful word – anapsuche, “to pick up my soul.” Onesiphorus came to Paul like a glass of iced tea on a sweltering day, or a mug of steaming hot chocolate on a cold, snowy day. Some people make you feel worse after spending time with them. But not Onesiphorus. Paul broke out in a big smile when he saw him approaching. “Man, it is so good to see you! You do my soul good. What a dear brother you are. Tell me all the news you have.” How did he refresh Paul?
- Just his very presence was refreshing. A true friend doesn’t have to say a lot to bring joy to your heart.
- He probably brought news from Ephesus and Asia about the churches and how God was blessing the ministry there.
- He surely encouraged Paul by sharing the Word with him. Fellowshipping together about the Lord and feeding on God’s promises brought spiritual confidence. The Greek word for friend is philos, something that was dear, expensive, valuable, or cherished. That is exactly what Onesiphorus was to Paul – a cherished and valuable friend. Remember, his name means “profit-bringer.”
4) He may have brought Paul tasty pastries or a savory dish to share with this brother in his lonely cell. Knowing Paul’s love of good books and literature, he may have included those in his pack. Paul’s last request to Timothy in 2 Timothy 4:13 was, “Bring the books!”
What kind of a Christian friend are you? Some people are bitter that they don’t have any good friends. But that is going in exactly the wrong direction. You can’t demand friendships. The issue is to work on being a good friend, looking for ways to show friendship. And God gives us instructions. So, let’s finish by looking at God’s portrait of a friend in Proverbs 27. Here are five marks of a faithful friend.
PROVERBS 27 – A FAITHFUL FRIEND
A friend’s correction. Prov 27:6, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.” A true friend tells you the truth, trying not to put you down or destroy you. You know he is on your side and wants the best for you.
A friend’s counsel. Prov 27:9, “Oil and perfume make the heart glad, So a man’s counsel is sweet to his friend.” A true friend doesn’t have a hidden agenda like a businessman looking to make a deal with you for financial gain. He isn’t waiting to spread the news of your weaknesses or failure. His counsel is like a sumptuous meal. “Sweet” includes the idea of smacking the lips with pleasure. “Thanks, brother, that is just what I needed to hear! I’m going to go do it.”
A friend’s loyalty. Prov 27:10, “Do not forsake your own friend or your father’s friend.” Look back at Proverbs 17:17, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” Here is Onesiphorus, here is Jonathan to David, here is a friend who doesn’t turn back when trouble comes. Loyalty. This was Stonewall Jackson’s friendship with Robert E. Lee – one of deepest respect and loyalty. When Jackson was shot in his left arm, Lee said, “He has lost his left arm, but I have lost my right arm.”
A friend’s sensitivity. Prov 27:14 “He who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning, It will be reckoned a curse to him.” Friendships must not be taken for granted. When people complain about their lack of friendship, we need to stop and ask ourselves some basic questions. Am I overbearing? Selfish? Demanding? Arrogant? A know-it-all? Opinionated? Possessive and moody? An incessant talker? Am I like Garfield when he said, “Well, Pooky, I’ve been talking about me all this time. What about you? What do you think about me?”
A friend’s accountability. Prov 27:17, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” A godly friendship is ultimately committed to helping one another grow and become like Jesus Christ.
SO WHAT?
Those were lonely hours for Paul in that miserable prison. What an overflowing cup of joy this man Onesiphorus brought him in his distress. How valuable and cherished is a godly friend who encourages you in the Lord.
Notice how Onesiphorus is like Christ. Just as Onesiphorus searched for Paul, Christ diligently searched and called us. Nothing held Christ back. It cost Him His life on that cross. He found us and brought eternal refreshment to our souls: forgiveness, hope, assurance of eternal life, freedom from sin’s power, genuine joy and peace. “Jesus, what a friend of sinners; Jesus, lover of my soul.” Human friends can only go with you so far. Jesus is a friend that will go with you through the fire, through the flood, through the trials, even the most severe trials. He alone is the most loyal, best friend. He loves you at all times. He is always available. He’s a friend who sticks closer than a brother. He will never leave you nor forsake you.
Your expectations in human friendships can be too high. None of us are perfect – far from it. But you cannot have too high expectations with Jesus. He will never let you down, here or hereafter. Jesus will even go with you through the valley of the shadow of death! Jesus described a friend’s love like this in John 15:13, “Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.”
That is exactly what Jesus did for us. He loved us. He died in our place, the Just for the unjust. And Jesus did all this while we were yet sinners! Believe this! Trust in Jesus work for you!