Click here to view the entire service
This morning we’re going to focus on Philippians 4:5, but let’s read verses 5-7 to see the context.
Philippians 4:5-7, Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. 6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Have you ever witnessed someone getting so angry they lose control? During March Madness there was a news item of the coach of a losing team going out of control. He strode angrily to the locker room, face red and veins bulging from his neck. Once in the locker room, he unloaded on his team unmercifully, audible from the press room down the hall. I’ve heard of an angry basketball coach throwing a chair out onto the court. And I’ve seen baskets of bats and balls hurled out of the dugout by an angry coach. Some people have been in congregational business meetings that went off the rails.
God has something to say to His people about this kind of behavior, and much more in Philippians 4. Paul gives us amazingly practical counsel, from standing firm, living in harmony, rejoicing in the Lord – always in the Lord. This morning we’re looking at vs. 5, “Let your forbearing (or gentle spirit) be known to all men, remembering the Lord is at hand.” It’s not hard to understand – it is just hard to apply. It exposes our self-serving sinful hearts. You need the power of God’s Spirit to enable you to live with this moderate or gentle spirit.
Let me give you a short quiz to see how you’re doing with this kind of attitude.
- Do you ever get annoyed because the person in front of you is going the speed limit?
- Do you ever become perturbed when the person in front of you in the checkout line waits until everything is totaled before they search for their credit card or even open their wallet?
- Do you find yourself yelling at that annoying person on their phone while the light is green? “Hey, it’s green. Get off your phone!” But then later you catch yourself doing the exactly the same thing and feel like a total hypocrite, which you are; which I am.
These are the easy ones. When is it really hard? When you are misrepresented. When someone else takes the credit for something you did! When you know someone is wrong because you saw it, but is it big enough to make it an issue? You made it possible for someone else to succeed, and then they turn you on. Remember Moses when his brother and sister turned on him in Numbers 12? That’s where it says Moses was the humblest of men on all the earth. There are situations that are frankly angering. We need the grace of humility!
WHAT A GENTLE SPIRIT DOESN’T MEAN.
Before we look at what the word “gentle” means, let’s make sure we know what it doesn’t mean. It certainly doesn’t mean being morally or doctrinally passive, flabby, and never taking a stand. It doesn’t even mean never getting angry. Ephesians 4:26 says “be angry and sin not.” Jesus got angry at the hard-hearted Pharisees. He called them a brood of vipers. Jesus cut no slack to false prophets. There are times we have to speak strongly and rebuke. There are enemies to the faith and this gentle and forbearing spirit doesn’t mean we never expose them. It isn’t a politically correct tolerance of all things. Where there is sin and evil it must be exposed.
It doesn’t mean never dealing strongly with bad guys. Author James Fitzpatrick in his book Builders of the American Dream tells a story about Abe Lincoln when he was working as a clerk in a general store. A loud tough guy came in and started taunting several women making purchases. Lincoln ordered him to stop. The man laughed loudly, said he hadn’t met a man yet who could tell him to shut up and he didn’t think this clerk would be the first! Lincoln said, “Well, if you need to be whipped, I may as well whip you as any other man.” Lincoln threw him on the ground, held him there as if he were a child, grabbed some smartweed growing on the spot and rubbed it in his face until the man yelled with pain. The biographer said Mr. Lincoln did all this without a particle of anger and when it was over he got water and washed the man’s face and did everything he could to alleviate his distress! As strong as Lincoln was, he was known for being a very moderate, gentle soul. He had a way of turning his enemies into his friends, overcoming evil with good.
This forbearing spirit doesn’t mean you’re a pansy.
SO WHAT DOES A GENTLE SPIRIT MEAN?
Here’s the problem. You can’t limit it to one English word, although gentleness is probably the closest. King James says “moderation.” ESV translates it “reasonableness.” Notice how it sits right beside uncontentious and the opposite of unreasonable in these references:
1 Timothy 3:3, but gentle, uncontentious….
Titus 3:2, to be uncontentious, gentle, showing every consideration for all men.
James 3:17, But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy.
1 Peter 2:18, Servants, be submissive to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and gentle, but also to those who are unreasonable.
William Hendriksen entitled verses 4-5, “Let joy reign within and let big-heartedness be shown all around.” James Boice adds, “Not unduly rigorous about unimportant matters.” Paul isn’t talking about being squishy on doctrine, on God’s truth. We must stand firm in truth, but we can’t be pettifogging legalists like the Pharisees. And we are not easily offended. It’s the opposite of impatience and demanding your rights. “I’m right, you’re wrong – it’s either my way or the highway.” This word is like a set of shock absorbers for your soul in a rough and nasty world. In fact, we are to be joyful and self-controlled at all times.
When you bump into one of these moderate, gentle people or when you offend them and step on their toes, all that spills out is sweet, gentle, gracious blessing. Lou Priolo in his excellent book The Heart of Anger pictures your heart as a pitcher. If your heart is full of anger or bitterness or just plain self and someone bumps into you, guess what flows out? Sometimes it’s vitriol, like spraying acid all over. But if your heart is full of gentleness and your wife bumps into you, guess what flows out? Only sweetness!
In 1 Samuel 25, David got really ticked off at Nabal when Nabal denied David’s men some food, and this was right after David’s men treated Nabal’s men kindly. David jumped on his high horse and he and his boys set out to whack that fool Nabal. They were on a mission of revenge, but God sent Nabal’s sweet wife Abigail to gently persuade David to cease and desist. This calm, gentle, moderate spirit is the opposite of self-centered anger. James 1:19 says every man should be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger. That’s the moderate spirit at work.
WHEN TO WITHHOLD YOUR GENTLE SPIRIT.
How do we know when to take a stand and when to let it go? A forbearing spirit knows which battles are most important and which are of no consequence. There are hills to die on. Wisdom discerns the difference. We’re going to take our stand here, regardless of the consequences. Like Paul in Galatians 1:8-10, we’re not people pleasers. But unless we’re dealing with non-negotiable doctrine, we know the relationship is more important than the issue. We can win the battle and lose the war when we demand our rights. We may even lose our platform to speak to that person.
There is stuff that pushes our so-called buttons that doesn’t matter at all. We’re not going to argue over the color of the carpet or if Fords are better than Chevys. Then there are areas where good men differ, and if people don’t agree, that’s okay. But then there are hills to die on, but even then we’ve got to go down gently with forbearance, like Christ as He cried out, “Father, forgive them. They don’t know what they’re doing!” Or like Stephen in Acts 7:60, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them.” He let his moderation be known to his enemies standing there with stones in their hands. Paul was standing there too, with their robes at his feet. I wonder how often Paul thought about how Stephen prayed for his murderers.
GOD IS THE SOURCE OF A GENTLE SPIRIT.
Where do you get this rare, selfless quality? From God our Father, who is kind and forbearing and brought mercy to us sinners. From Christ, who came as our gentle and forbearing Savior, putting up with offenses on every side. From the Spirit who brings us the fruit of the Spirit, and one of them is gentleness.
Then we have to deny ourselves, take up our cross daily, walk in the Spirit, dying daily to self and our self-centered passions. The last fruit of the Spirit is self-control, which is a huge part of gentleness. We refrain from lashing out even when we know we’re right and want to demand our rights, but it’s not important enough to make an issue over. We see God in all our relationships, knowing that He put this annoying person in my life to help me grow to be more like Christ. John Calvin says, “We need confidence in Divine Providence as we deal with difficult people. We react sinfully to harsh, nasty treatment because we fail to remember that the Lord is with us, His power is infinite over all evil, and that the Lord cares for us. And there’s also the higher purpose of serving others, looking past the offence to the need, and ministering grace to people who need it, even to our enemies. There’s a higher purpose than being ‘right.’ When you must take a stand, you do it with grace. Go out of your way to show others that you are gracious, forgiving, patient, not easily offended, that you’re quick to yield your rights and give preference to the other person.”
MAKE YOUR GENTLE SPIRIT KNOWN TO YOUR FRIENDS AND ENEMIES.
God says let this gentle spirit be known to all men. Everyone in your life should see this moderate, forbearing, gentle spirit. Everyone. Your wife, your husband, your kids, your boss and co-workers, fellow believers, your neighbors, your in-laws, out-laws, all men. We aren’t people who stand on our chairs and scream, “That’s not fair!” Remember, we have died and our lives are hidden with Christ in God. And God has given us the power by His Spirit to put off bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, slander and malice and put on kindness, tenderheartedness, and forgiveness. Let your moderate, gentle spirit be known to all people.
Every husband and wife can apply this to their marriage and every parent to their kids. A husband is to live with his wife with this reasonable gentleness, thoughtful of her, not demanding, not running roughshod over her feelings, and as Colossians 3:19 says, “Husbands, love your wives and don’t be embittered against them.” And the wife is to show this same tempered spirit, not yelling and screaming at her husband or kids, but as 1 Peter 3:4 says, “with a gentle and quiet spirit which is precious to God.” I recall many years ago walking along the road and going by a house where Christians lived, and I could hear the mother in there yelling at her kids. Now, they probably well deserved it, and I’m not saying there ought not to be strong authority – but to hear her while out on the street I’d say it wasn’t good. Somebody’s out of control right there.
The Bible says parents are not to spare the rod. Fathers, there are times when you need to practice your biblical second amendment right to use the rod. Proverbs 22:15 says the rod is to be used to remove foolishness from the child’s heart. But use it gently and reasonably with self-control. Tell them it hurts you more than it hurts them – they’ll remember that when their 30 of 40. Proverbs 23:13 says when you use the rod gently with love, you won’t kill him. And Proverbs 29:15 says the rod and reproof give wisdom but a child left to his own way will bring shame to his mother. So, letting your gentleness be known to your children doesn’t mean no rod. It means loving discipline under the control of the Spirit.
Colossians 3:21 gives another caution. “Father’s must not exasperate their children so they don’t lose heart.” That means don’t take the wind out of their sails. Treat them with firm gentleness. Many kids have grown up with an angry father who thinks child-rearing is yelling. Many children grow up never hearing a good word from dad. Nothing is good enough for dad or mom. Parents need to remember Proverbs 15:1, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Ephesians 6:4 says “Fathers, don’t provoke your children to anger.” Lou Priolo in his book The Heart of Anger lists 25 ways parents can provoke their children to anger. It certainly doesn’t mean letting them have their own way. Priolo talks about the danger of a child-centered home. God says children are to obey their parents, not vice-versa. Mom and dad are in charge and the children comply. Someone said, the children are only there temporarily, but mom and dad are life-long residents. Lou writes this, “In democratic households, children tend to become angry when their desires do not get placed on equal status with the desires of the parents.” Parents, let your forbearing, graciously humble, gentle spirit be known to your children!
LET YOUR GENTLE SPIRIT SHOW IN YOUR WORDS.
How important are gracious, gentle, forbearing words? Proverbs is full of this wisdom. Proverbs 15:1, A soft answer turns away wrath. That’s a forbearing, sweetly reasonable response. Ephesians 4:29, Let no unwholesome, attacking word fly out of your mouth, but only such a word as is good to build up others, that it may give grace to the hearers. Colossians 4:6, Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt. Let your moderate, gentle speech be known to all men.
LET YOUR GENTLE SPIRIT SHOW IN YOUR ATTITUDE.
You can say or do the right thing with the wrong attitude.
James 3:16-18, For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing. 17 But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy. 18 And the seed whose fruit is righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.
You can have an impatient, haughty, arrogant, condescending attitude or you can have a forbearing attitude with wisdom from above that is first pure, peaceable, gentle, easy to be entreated! An attitude that is always cocked, ready to go off is the opposite. In some families when dad is home, everyone walks on eggshells for fear they may set him off; he rules his house by fear. Then in contrast, here is a person who is sweetly reasonable; you can bring something to him, you can disagree with him, you can challenge his views on something without him getting all defensive.
Do you have this forbearing, gentle spirit? Do others know it? Are you approachable? Do you examine yourself first before raising your hackles against what that person has brought to you? Do you go from job to job because no one understands you, you have trouble everywhere you go, and it’s always someone else’s fault? If people are afraid to bring something to you because they fear your reaction, you need a super dose of moderation fertilizer. We all need a regular treatment of spiritual Weed and Feed, weeding out the pride of self and nurturing the gentleness of Christ.
ADD CHRIST-LIKE HUMILITY TO YOUR GENTLE SPIRIT.
Oswald Sanders in his book Spiritual Leadership cautions, “No leader is exempt from criticism, and his humility will nowhere be seen more clearly than in the manner in which he accepts and reacts to it.” First Peter 5:5 says, “Clothe yourself with humility toward one another.”
John MacArthur put it so well in his message on this verse. He says there’s another element we need to understand. “It’s the graciousness of humility which basically says you may have offended me, you may have mistreated me, you may have misjudged me, worse than that you may have misrepresented me, you may have maltreated me, you may have ruined my reputation with some…but I humbly and graciously accept it. That’s what this word means.” Then John asks, “Isn’t that exactly what the grace of God is like. God could say, “You may have been my enemies, you may have shaken your fist in My face, blasphemed me, mistreated Me, misjudged Me, you may have done all that and I still reach out to you in love. Let your humble graciousness be known to all men” (message on Philippians 4:5).
JESUS IS NEAR…RIGHT HERE…RIGHT NOW.
In verse 5b, Paul adds to the command to have a gentle spirit, “The Lord is near!” The ESV and KJV say, “The Lord is at hand.” This could mean He is really close, like right here in our presence. Jerry Bridges describes it as “The Lord is standing at my shoulder, waiting to see how I will handle the various relationships I have with people today. Will I be rigid and exacting…or gentle and considerate?”
Or it could mean Jesus is near, coming back, almost here, and you’re going to give an account to Him, so watch your spirit. Don’t get all selfish and demanding, pushy, suing people who cross you or get in your way. Rather, let your sweet reasonableness be known because Jesus is almost here. Imagine you are screaming and yelling at your kids when suddenly a church elder knocks on your door. Boy, you would sweeten up in a hurry. “Hi there! Come on in. Yep, all’s good. How about you?”
WHY IS OUR STUDY TODAY IMPORTANT?
Having a gentle spirit is the way to be like Christ. “Now I Paul myself beseech you by the meekness and gentleness of Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:1).
This is the way to adorn the doctrine of Christ in a me-first world.
This is the way to glorify God by your obedience.
This is the way to bless the people God brings into your life.
How do we do this? Remember, Christ died bearing God’s wrath against our irritable, impatient, defensive, resentful, egotistical wickedness. To treat others with anything but this sweet reasonableness is sin. So, we’re going to have to put to death these self-centered sins of the flesh. Luke 9:23, Romans 6, Colossians 3 all tell us the only way to live this Christian life is to take up your cross. You have died with Christ and you are now called to walk in newness of life in the power of the Spirit. That’s the key. And then, pray persistently for a gentle, forbearing, reasonable spirit! And if people are afraid to talk to you or have to walk on eggshells fearing you’ll fly off the handle, you need to do some serious heart searching. Ask God to see if there is any wicked way in you, ask forgiveness, and set out to nurture a gentle, moderate spirit.
Maybe God is showing you through this call to a calm, gentle spirit that you aren’t a genuine believer. Let these truths from God’s word send you to the cross in repentance and faith, asking God to save you for Jesus sake!