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One of the delights of pastoring is being involved in premarital counseling and in that special day when the handsome young groom and beautiful young bride exchange their sacred vows. Off they go down that aisle, as happy as two clams at high tide, to begin their lives together. Marriage is one of God’s greatest blessings and we’re going to talk about marriage for the next several weeks.
Colossians 3 has set us up for this. The chapter begins with you being a new person in Christ. He is your life, you are putting on those Christ-like virtues, and you’ve been trying to do everything in His name. Now we come to the three key life relationships that have never changed since the beginning of time: marriage, family, and work. And in each of these areas the supremacy of Christ in your life makes a huge difference. These three areas of life are where we live out our faith in Christ. It is in these areas that we glorify Christ and showcase His reality before a watching world.
This morning rather than diving into the roles of the wife and husband in Colossians 3:18-19, I want us to think about the bigger picture of what God says about marriage in the Bible. Marriage is God’s idea. He instituted it for the entire human race for very important reasons. Today marriage and family are under growing attack in our culture, so we need to be crystal clear of what God says and doesn’t say about marriage and never compromise in the face of cultural opposition. Before we set out seven biblical principles on marriage, let’s expose some of Satan’s attacks on God’s design for marriage.
MARRIAGE, EGALITARIANISM, AND COMPLEMENTARIANISM
There are two clearly opposing views about the role of women in marriage and the church. The organization called Christians for Biblical Equality (CBE) represents the unbiblical position called egalitarianism. Egalitarianism promotes the idea that men and women are to “share authority equally in service and leadership in the home, church, and world.” The CBE organization’s mission is to “eliminate the power imbalance between men and women resulting in theological patriarchy.” Patriarchy means the husbands/fathers hold the power in the family. Liberal churches like the United Church of Christ have long had female pastors, even lesbian female pastors. This egalitarian ideology is seeping into some Southern Baptist and other evangelical denominations. One author, Beth Allison Barr, wrote the book The Making of Biblical Womanhood: How the Subjugation of Women Became Gospel Truth. Notice the inflammatory word “subjugation,” which speaks of forceful subjecting someone to your control. That’s not biblical submission.
The opposing, biblical position called complementarianism says that men and women are equal in their essence, made in God’s image and likeness, but that God has assigned different, complementary roles to the two genders. God has clearly assigned men to lead in the home and church and women, so very important and valuable in their service at home or in the church, are not to usurp authority over the leadership (1 Timothy 2:12). Someone might say, “Hey, that’s not fair! I don’t see why men get to lead and we have to follow.” 1 Timothy 2 grounds this complementarian truth in the order of creation – first Adam, then Eve – and the order of the fall – first Eve, then Adam.” The fact is that the godly women I’ve ever known want their husbands to provide wise loving leadership, whether in the home or the church. The burden of leadership rests on the man, and he better not blow this responsibility!
THE NUCLEAR FAMILY UNDER ATTACK
Now more recently, the whole institution of marriage and the traditional family is under attack in a conspiracy to maintain power. The reason BLM and other progressives hate the nuclear family of dad, mom, and the kids is because the family, and especially that father, stands in the way of achieving equal power for everyone. In other words, God’s design for marriage stands in the way of recreating society into a socialistic utopia where everyone, regardless of their gender or sexual preferences, has equal power. Even the words mother and father are under attack by the radical left. The Australian National University is encouraging their staff to replace “mother” with “gestational parent” and “father” with “non-birthing parent” in order to deliver gender inclusive education to their students. Is this not the very definition of darkness and nonsense? You can find it all online and it’s not going away.
This morning we want to hear straight from God about His design and plan for man and woman. We’ll look at seven truths about marriage right out of the Bible.
GOD’S DESIGN FOR MARRIAGE
1. God created man and woman in His own image.
Genesis 1:27 God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.
Men and women are both equally made in God’s image. They are both eternal, rational, moral, spiritual, and worshipping beings. This is “soul equality.” This is in direct contradiction to the Marxist, Darwinian, Freudian, secular, atheistic view of man as purely matter with no soul, no image of God. Sadly, those who hold this view are in for an awful awakening when they die and face God.
2. God created the gender differences from the very beginning. In Genesis 1:27b you’ll notice there were two genders from the very beginning: male and female. Not three, twenty, or seventy. And people since then have normally been born either male or female. Claiming anything different is one of the most distressing and insane aspects of our times. Since secular education and culture have been teaching that humans are only evolving mammals, some people have now seized the “right” to determine their own identity. If a male wants to be a female, he has the right to change his identity to whatever he believes in his mind that he is, regardless of his biological appearance. And everyone else is expected to bow down to his preferred gender choice and if you don’t, you are attacking his or her very identity, which is considered hate speech. That’s why marriage, the nuclear family (mom, dad, and the kids), the church, and long-standing traditions in America are hated. They all repress and suppress this kind of bizarre thinking.
Bible truth states that God made them male and female, two genders. And He intended the differences between those two genders for our blessing. Whatever non-sinful differences there are between you and your spouse, God created them. Thank God for them. Yes, even if at times when those differences annoy you. An IU study of males and females discovered that the two genders listen differently. Men listen with half their brain, the left side. Women listen with both sides. They also discovered women can handle listening to two conversations at the same time. The gender differences are simply glorious. I wonder how many men are financially solvent because of the thriftiness of their wives. Guys, I wonder if you’ve ever heard, “But what’s wrong with the one we have?”
3. God created man first and then the woman to be man’s helper. In Genesis 2:7 God grabbed a handful of dirt and made a man. This doesn’t surprise me. We men have been tracking dirt in the house ever since. But notice, God didn’t go over there and grab another handful of dirt and make a woman. God knew Adam needed a lot of help. In fact, the phrase “helper suitable” in verse 18 is the Hebrew “ezer kenegdo,” a helper that is appropriate, that complements his maleness.
Genesis 2:18 Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.”
So when the man couldn’t find a complement to his maleness, God put him to sleep, pulled out a rib, and made a woman to be by the man’s side.
Genesis 2:21-23 So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. 22 The LORD God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. 23 The man said, “This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman (Isha), Because she was taken out of Man (Ish).”
When he saw her, he exclaimed something like, “Now, that’s what I’m talkin’ about! Where have you been all my life?” God made man and woman to complement and bless each other.
4. God designed marriage to be a sacred covenant between a male and female.
Genesis 2:24-25 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. 25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.
Malachi 2:14 She is your companion and your wife by covenant….
Marriage is between a male and female and has never been other than between a male and female. In 2015 our Supreme Court ruled 5-4 that two people of the same gender have the legal right to marriage. Sorry, but two males or two females do not correspond to one another. It’s God’s revelation and it is pure science and common sense; just take a course in human anatomy. In marriage you leave, you cleave, and you weave your lives together, often producing other human beings who can grow up and keep it all going.
And that leaving, cleaving, and weaving is to be a permanent relationship, not until she no longer interests you. In Matthew 19:4-6 Christ goes straight back to Genesis 1-2 for his teaching on marriage. They asked Jesus, “Is it lawful to put away your wife for any reason?” Suppose she puts a ding in your car. Can you offload her and get a better driver? When age leaves its scars, can you trade him in for a newer, sleeker model? NO! Jesus quotes Gen. 2:24 – the two become one flesh. Then He says, “What God has joined together, let no man separate.” The word joined together is the source of our word zygote. A zygote is the product of two gametes, an ovum and a sperm, coming together. Marriage is the union of two people into one flesh! That’s why Christian couples do all they can to keep that marriage intact.
But we live in a fallen world. Marriages don’t always survive. Maybe yours hasn’t. You may or may not have been the main cause for the divorce. You may have worked hard to keep it together. You may have forgiven and overlooked and returned good for evil, but your spouse still turned away from you. This is certainly one of the hardest trials in life. But God knows your heart. That’s a time to trust God. God’s grace is sufficient for the hardest of trials.
That one flesh is also one reason why sexual immorality is so wrong. God put a fence around the marriage relationship. Sexual union, intimacy, and pleasure are the privileges of the sacred commitment of marriage. That intimacy and sacred relationship is violated in adultery and fornication. Hebrews 13:4 says fornicators and adulterers God will judge. So don’t even think about it.
5. God brought certain consequences on the marriage relationship as a result of the fall into sin. Right on the heels of this glorious beginning, Satan seduced the woman, and she fell for his tricks. Adam also defied God’s authority over them, and sin entered the world and brought a curse to the human race. The effect of sin in the marriage relationship has been grievous. Sin destroyed the beauty of that mutual, complementary relationship of a loving leader and a joyful helper into often what is nothing other than cruel, ugly, and heartbreaking.
Praise God for Jesus Christ, who came to redeem not only our souls, but our marriages. I wonder how many marriages would have imploded in utter destruction it hadn’t been for Christ coming into those marriages.
6. God clearly teaches the loving headship of the husband and the respectful submission of the wife in the New Testament – Col. 3:18-19; Eph. 5:22-33; 1 Cor. 11:7-12; 1 Peter 3:1-7. We will talk about what headship and submission mean, but realize right off that God’s plan is for His glory and our good. There is an exquisite beauty in the marriage relationship, as a strong, loving, protective, leading husband cares for and nourishes his caring, loving, encouraging, nurturing wife by his side. God’s plan is beautiful. Both of these people are made in God’s image. Both are redeemed by Christ’s blood and given eternal life, made heirs together of life. Both of them are called to serve Jesus Christ in their marriage, family, and in the church. The husband leads the way, the wife assists him and helps him as together they move through life living for Jesus, who is their life!
7. God intended marriage to be a reflection of Christ’s relationship with His redeemed people. In Ephesians 5:31-32 Paul says the one flesh of marriage is the likeness of the union of Christ with His people. Christ promises to be faithful to us, and we respond in loving obedience. A husband promises to be faithful to his wife, to forsake all others and live for her alone, loving her even enough to die for her. A wife likewise promises to be loyal, to honor her husband, and do him good all the days of her life.
I want to finish with my favorite verse on marriage:
Ecclesiastes 9:9 Enjoy life with the woman whom you love all the days of your fleeting life which He has given to you under the sun; for this is your reward in life and in your toil in which you have labored under the sun.
This means have a blast while you last. Listen to this Puritan preacher: “The man whose heart is endeared to the woman he loves…dreams of her in the night, hath her in his eye and apprehension when he awakes, museth on her as he sits at the table, walks with her when he travels…. She lies in his bosom, and his heart trusts in her.” The Puritans were not shy about praising the beauties of married love.