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I’m sure you’ve noticed that human history is one long story of conflict, from Cain bashing the brains out of Abel to the bloody streets of our cities this weekend. People have a hard time getting along with one another. We had two families in our first church, the Hatfields and the McCoys. I don’t think they were related to the two clans living across from each other along the Tug River between Kentucky and West Virginia, but that murderous episode of two warring families from the late 1800s sure does illustrate the conflict of the human heart. Apparently it all started when someone stole a pig. No one can doubt the quarrels and conflicts in the hearts of both sides, even leading to murder. Why do people have such a hard time getting along together? Dave Harvey entitled his book about marriage, “When Sinners Say I Do.” J. C. Ryle said marriage is made up of two sinners, not two angels. Every marriage has the potential for conflict.
James 4:1 gets our attention with the question, “What is the source of conflict?” Why do you react the way you do? Why do you have a hard time getting along with others, whether in your marriage, at work, in your church, or your neighborhood? James is going to take us into the command center of our lives, into our hearts, and expose the motives and cravings that drive us. We’ve already learned that James isn’t afraid to step on our toes. He’s no Marvin Milquetoast. The real issue is for us to have open hearts to what God tells us about ourselves here. We already know we are sinners, but God shows us how sinful depravity works in our hearts. God wants us to see clearly what forces are working against us in our Christian lives.
THREE ENEMIES THAT WOULD DESTROY YOUR WALK WITH GOD
In James 4:1-10 James exposes for us our three enemies. First, your flesh that craves and desires. Second, the world lures and tempts you to live for yourself as a spiritual adulteress. And the third enemy is the devil who schemes and deceives and destroys. James shows how all three work together to destroy your walk with God, to draw you away from the fountain of living waters, and to get you to live out of the broken cisterns of this world. Then he tells us what we need to do, how God’s grace is sufficient, how God is jealous for our hearts, and what true repentance is. This is a powerful and practical passage.
WHY DO YOU DO WHAT YOU DO?
Now, why do you do what you do? Why do you have arguments and find it so easy to get your feathers ruffled? Why is it so hard to get along with others? Why do teenagers argue with their parents? Why do friends fall out and end up holding grudges and resentment? Why do workers lose it and yell and scream at fellow workers and sometimes even go in with a gun to settle scores?
Why did Cain murder Abel? Why did Saul try to murder David? Why was Absalom willing to murder his own father to rule on the throne? Why did Ahab allow Jezebel to murder Naboth? Why did Herod murder John the Baptist? Why did the rulers of the Jews murder Jesus? Why did the Corinthians, the Galatians, the Philippians, and Diotrephes have conflict? Diotrephes was a self-willed pastor whose style of leading was, “My way or the highway.” Yes, pastors can be like that. Why do married couples end up facing each other in court? Why do little nursery children hit, push, and shove one another to get that toy? (Not ours, of course). Why do we fight and argue? James gives us the answer. It isn’t because we grew up in a dysfunctional family or we were abused as a child or were put down and criticized or because we had lousy role models, although all these things may have some influence. It’s not because we have low self-esteem or someone’s not meeting our needs or speaking our love language or filling our empty love cups. No, the answer is in James 4:1.
James 4:1, What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you? Is not the source your pleasures that wage war in your members?
WHY THIS PASSAGE IS SO VALUABLE
Before we go any further, I want you to see the value of this passage:
- The Scripture has a depth of understanding of us, of how we function, of what drives us, of why we do what we do. The world is totally ignorant of this understanding. That only makes sense, doesn’t it? God created us and even came to earth, lived like us in a body and on our turf, so He certainly knows what makes us tick! When He begins to tell us why we fight and quarrel, we better listen. When God says, “The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked,” we better listen. The word of God knows us! Hebrews 4:12 says Scripture pierces to the very depth of our being – the thoughts and intents of the heart. We don’t need Freud or Jung or the popular but very unbiblical Enneagram to help us figure out who we really are and give us excuses for why we do what we do.
- Jesus Christ came to deal with these issues of the heart. God’s grace in the gospel deals with the heart. It doesn’t just give us a ticket to heaven; it brings life and peace and power and transformation and new motivation to the heart. As born-again believers in Christ, we have been set free from the power of sin and can fight this heart battle of inner lusts and cravings. We are now able to grow the fruit of the Spirit to replace these selfish cravings. Christ died on that cross to save and change our hearts.
- This passage is so valuable because it shows us our need for God’s grace and mercy every day. Jesus told us that all our behavior and speech comes out of our hearts. When we understand this, we become aware that just changing behavior isn’t enough. God wants to change our hearts, our affections. He wants us to love and obey and worship Him from our hearts.
- This is helpful for parents. How easy it is for parents to focus on behavior without recognizing all behavior is heart-driven. Two children argue over a toy. Asking “Who had it first?” misses the real issue completely. The issue of selfish, lusting hearts in both children should be addressed. Both children are saying, “I don’t care about you or your happiness. I am only concerned about me and my happiness. I want this toy. I will have it regardless of what that means to you. My goal in life is to please myself.” Friends, this doesn’t just happen in the hearts of children; this philosophy rules the world. The world’s spirit says, “I’m here to please myself, even if it hurts you.” That’s exactly what James is exposing here and none of us are immune from the power of the flesh.
A DEFINING QUESTION THAT TAKES US TO THE SOURCE OF CONFLICT
What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you? vs. 1a
The next time you get ticked off, give your spouse the silent treatment, bark at your kids, kick the dog, or yell at your mom or dad, ask yourself these questions.” What is driving my anger, my irritation, my foul temper, my grudge against this person who used to be my friend? Why am I doing or saying what I’m doing or saying?” We don’t need to look across the border or street or church aisle or the other side of the bed for the answer. God clearly answers the question.
YOUR HEART IS A WAR ZONE
Is not the source your pleasures that wage war in your members? vs.1b
There is a war going on inside of us in our hearts, and it’s all about our pleasures, our “hedons” (Greek word for pleasures). Hedonism says personal pleasure is the purpose of life. These fights and battles come surging right out of our lust to please ourselves. I live for my own pleasures and anything that disappoints my lust for pleasing myself makes me upset. That’s what James is saying. We have a “hedon” war going on and it’s in the present tense. “Your hedons are waging war in your members.” Your “members” are all the parts of your body you should be using to please God. 1 Peter 2:11 says exactly the same thing: our “fleshly lusts are waging war against our souls.” We want to please ourselves and when we don’t get our way, we blow up or clam up or slam doors or stomp out.
So the question for you and me as believers is this – what is controlling my heart? My pleasures or my God? My flesh or the Spirit of God? Gal. 5:16-17, “So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. (17) For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want.” That’s the bottom line issue in our daily battle. If my hedons are controlling me, I’m not living for God but for something else, and that’s spiritual idolatry or adultery.
When you live to please yourself, when the ruling passion of your heart is personal peace, or quiet, or other people’s respect, or appreciation, or just feeling good, or maybe a nice peaceful evening at home, your personal pleasure desires can kick up. You come home, the house is a mess, the kids are jumping off the walls, you bark at your wife something about having all day to get the house cleaned up and she yelps back something about you didn’t have five kids to take care of all day and you respond with you don’t know what it’s like to deal with those dragons at work and she slams the door on you with, “Big help you are!” This describes two people living for their own pleasures with other people getting in the way, and the result is conflicts, wars and battles…hearts in a war zone.
THREE EXAMPLES OF HEART BATTLES vss. 2-3
James 4:2-3, You lust and do not have; so you commit murder. You are envious and cannot obtain; so you fight and quarrel. You do not have because you do not ask. 3 You ask and do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures.
James gives us three examples of these heart battles. First, you lust or want something so much you’re willing to hurt another person – often the person or persons closest to you. James doesn’t mean literal murder, but he wants to shock us into seeing that when other people don’t meet our selfish expectations and we get angry, it’s ritual murder. As one author put it, “I’m not going to kill you but I’m going to act like you didn’t exist.” A teen isn’t allowed to have that device and goes into his room slamming the door muttering all kinds of threats about “Nobody’s parents are like mine. I hate you.” Or you’d love to get even and let that guy know what you really think. You chew on it, dwell on it, can’t look him in the eyes, avoid him, and love to see him fail That’s ritual murder in God’s eyes, pure and simple, and Christians can easily commit it!
Second, you crave to get something (envy), someone gets in the way, and the fireworks begin. The inner war and battles of vs. 1 now become outward conflict. Someone described the process like this: Desire leads to demand, demand leads to need, need leads to expectation, expectation leads to disappointment, disappointment leads to punishment, anger, retaliation, the silent treatment, using sex as a weapon, slamming doors, spending money, taking drugs or turning to alcohol, no concern for others, especially the ones closest to us.
Paul gives six manifestations of this heart battle in Ephesians 4:31.
Ephesians 4:31, Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.
- Bitterness: Someone didn’t give me what I wanted and I’m not going to forget it.
- Wrath: Someone crossed me and I let him have it.
- Anger: Someone offended me and I’m going to get even.
- Clamor: Someone got in my way and I’m furious about it.
- Slander: Someone mistreated me and I’m telling others about it.
- Malice: Someone wronged me and I’ll never talk to her again. I hate her.
Have you ever experienced road rage? I must have cut a guy off on the interstate around Columbus, OH, some years ago, and seriously, that guy scared me. He pulled up beside me and with an angry face motioned for me to pull over. I made the mistake of giving him eye contact, and that seemed to fire him up all the more. He went around us, cut in, and then put on his brakes. I finally eluded him at an exit. Folks, there are wars and battles brewing just below the surface. All the broken relationships, all the estranged relationships, all the demanding that other people cater to our pleasures exposes the selfish desires our own hearts.
Third, praying for something that you will use for your own pleasure. Verse 3, “You don’t have because you don’t ask, and when you ask, you ask with selfish motives to spend, waste, squander, or consume it on your “hedons,” pleasures.” “Please God, heal my disease (so I can go on living for myself).” “Please God, remove this annoying person so I can have some peace and quiet.” “Please God, give me a raise so I can buy more stuff, have more fun, fill my life with more entertainment and luxuries, spend it on my pleasures in my heart.” God doesn’t bless His competition. He’s not answering selfish prayers.
HEART PLEASURES QUICKLY TURN INTO SPIRITUAL ADULTERY
You adulteresses! v. 4a
Folks, these pleasures, these selfish cravings that rule our hearts become our idols, our substitute gods. Instead of God ruling our hearts, our pleasures are ruling us. Every time we fight and quarrel or get all upset or worried or anxious or irritated or clam up or however we show that we didn’t get what we want or got what we didn’t want, we should ask, “Who or what is ruling my heart right now? What idol has pushed God out of the driver’s seat of my heart?” It may be a legitimate desire that has grown into a demand. It may be something good in itself, but we want it too much. Calvin called those “inordinate affections.” It could be the desire and demand for respect, approval, control, love, sex, peace and quiet, an easy road, power, just feeling good. Anything we want more than God is spiritual adultery according to James 4:4a.
Here’s something you may not have thought about. God uses other people to clash with our selfish agenda, our heart pleasures, to expose our need for grace and mercy! How do we deal with these heart hedons? How do we find freedom from slavery to these selfish, self-serving heart tyrants? How can we grow in being the God-lovers that we want to be?
APPLY THE CROSS TO YOUR PLEASURES
Go to the cross and remember you have been crucified with Christ (Romans 6). The cross is the answer for your heart wars. Does that sound simplistic? It’s not. It’s simple, but not simplistic. The cross demolishes those idols that have been ruling your heart. At the cross you have to deal with your own logs first. You don’t stand at the cross and blame other people for getting in your way or denying you what you wanted. You don’t grumble about how someone isn’t meeting your needs. You admit your own sin and how you have offended God more than this other person ever offended you.
The cross is where you learn to deny yourself, take up your cross, die to yourself and live to Christ. Mortify those fleshly pleasures and lusts that have such a strong hold on you. The cross and the resurrection are the power of God. The cross isn’t some irrelevant, far away and long ago historical event. The cross is the very heart and center of God’s work and your need. And through the cross of Jesus Christ you can put to death those outrageous lusts and pleasures that wage war in your heart and body.
Are you struggling with a grudge against someone right now? Someone kept you from getting what you wanted? Go to the cross. That cross purchased for you a new heart and the gift of the Spirit. But don’t expect this heart war to cease in this life. No, you’ll be fighting this battle with Christ’s help until you see Him face to face.